21 June – 22 July
Attribute: Bose-Einstein condensate
Discipline: Fundamental and theoretical ones. That is, all fields, where the beauty of an equation is worth much more that the beauty of an effect described by this formula.
How to recognize him: Unfortunately, Cancer is the rarest scientific sign in the modern “picture science”. You can use two methods to find him: (1) Tell everyone that you know (and understand!) the Wiles solution of Fermat theorem. The person that enthusiastically proposes to discuss some aspects of the extension of Kolyvagin-Flach method is a Cancer. (2) Say to every stranger (scientist) “histone acetyl transferase”. The person answering that he is unfamiliar with this operator or asking surprisingly about quantum numbers of this object is a Cancer. It’s useless to describe his papers here – you simply don’t reed them, if you’re not a Cancer yourself.
How to impress him: Ha, try first to distract his attention from his thoughts, for instance, with … with… hmm, may be, you’ll find something suitable at last. It can probably help you, if you’re newborn Maxwell or Onsager. Remember that your personality has been completely analyzed before his second glance at your conference badge. And this second glance is, most likely, hmm…ex comitate.
How to disappoint him: We doubt he has actual concern with you. But, just in case, tell him disrespectfully, that the research on Higgs bosons is a useless waste of money and any fundamental theory must find industrial application. You may also try to make an important career decision for him, or to give him confident advices regarding his work, life and ethical principles, or simply ask him to make his science more popular with a TV-show. Of course, you may – if you’re so naive to think he is absolutely harmless. Remember that your personality has been completely analyzed etc.